how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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