WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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