Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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