dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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