we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
