never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
