she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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