just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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