..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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