Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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