Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
