ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
