Small penises have feelings too.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
