you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
