He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
