In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
