i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she peed on how many people?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
