Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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