I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
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