He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Pants are for mortals
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
