I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
