it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
