My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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