My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Damn victory sex feels great
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
