Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So many bounce houses so little time
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
