she was so not down for the gang bang
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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