He uses pillows to masturbate.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
