If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
