based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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