M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
