He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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