who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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