This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
