I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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