I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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