I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
