I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
