I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
