sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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