Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
