I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
