thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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