I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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