Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
