I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
