I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
