wrigley field is MILF paradise
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
