I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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