I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
