So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
