Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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