Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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