Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
