Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
