You're completely useless in the revolution.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
