You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
