it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
