I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
