I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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